In my biography I mention that I have ten percent of my eyesight. I guess I should start by describing my visual impairment and explaining how I came to be this way.

When I was born I was nine pounds eight ounces. (I was such a large baby and now I am only five foot three, Hmmm?) It was a difficult birth for my mom and I ended up with a fractured collarbone. I ended up having difficulty breathing because of the pain so they had to put me in an incubator. In doing so they didn't properly protect my eyes and my optic nerves were damaged from the oxygen..

ON A MORE PERSONAL NOTE: There is a bit more to the story about the loss of my eye sight. It is a very private an sensitive subject so I discussed it with my parents before sharing it with all of you. My mom is Lakota and my dad German and back in the day (1965) my parents relationship was considered interracial and not very accepted by some people. After I was born some of the people at the hospital told my mom that white men didn’t get Native women pregnant and stick around. Of course they did this to my mom, who was young and shy, while my dad was working. At one point they actually had child welfare in to try to convince my mom to give me up for adoption. Mom said that many of the nurses were very nice to her and loved me but there was one nurse who was very unfriendly and cold towards her and was very abrupt in the way that she handled me. After work my dad went to the hospital to be with us. They brought me to mom to be fed, my parents noticed that my lips were blue (funny that the nurse didn’t notice this) and I that seemed to be having trouble breathing. Dad ran and got the doctor and they discovered that I had a fractured collar bone. They said that it was because of the difficult birth but my mom said that wasn’t true because I was fine earlier in the day. My parents strongly suspected that I was accidentally or deliberately dropped. Their suspicions where heightened by the fact that shortly after this incident occurred they never saw that mean nurse again. So, they put me in an incubator and my eyes weren’t properly protected and my optic nerves were damaged and didn’t develop completely. It wasn’t until several weeks later that my parents actually discovered that there was something wrong with my eyes. My dad held a lit match in front of my eyes and moved it back and forth. He noticed that I didn’t follow it and said to my mom I think that our daughter is blind. It wasn’t until I was fourteen years old that they actually new exactly what was wrong with my eyes. I was very upset to discover that I was in fact born with good eye sight and that it may have been because of someone’s prejudice and carelessness that I lost my vision! Thank you mom and dad for allowing me to share this with everyone because I think it is very important for people to know the truth. I have also read many stories about other people who lost their vision from being in incubators during the 1960’s. In fact my husbands aunt lost her eye sight in the same way.

In one eye I see only a bit of light and some movement and in the other I have about ten percent of my eye sight. My vision is clear but I don't have all my peripheral vision. There is actually nothing wrong with my eyes themselves (that is why corrective lenses don't work for me) so my vision will not get better or worse. I am grateful for that.

There are many things that I can do and those are the ones that I try to focus on but I do have to accept the fact that there are things that I just can't do. I will never be able to drive a car. One good thing about not being able to drive is when my husband is working I have to walk everywhere. This is one good way to stay in shape! I can ride a bicycle. I am athletic. In school I was an excellent runner and did floor gymnastics. I also love to dance. I have no depth perception so I can’t play any sort of ball sports. Anything that I have to do that requires depth perception is learned through practice. I love to read but need to use a visual aid. Our television is twenty-six inches and I have to sit about three feet away to see all the detail of a movie, so I usually sit on the floor. I see well enough that I can get around ok but I would find a large city intimidating and would probably have to use a visual aid to read street signs and see traffic lights in large intersections. (I find using visual aids embarrassing; this is a vanity problem that I am still dealing with) I find it difficult to find someone in a room full of people. When I meet someone in a public place I let them know that they have to find me. I can see moving vehicles fine. I could tell you the color (I have no color blindness) and what type of vehicle it is (car or truck etc.). I couldn’t tell you the make, license plate number or describe who is driving it. When I am walking down the street people can't tell that I have a visual impairment. This can be very frustrating at times. I try to explain my vision to people as best as I can and let them know that if they drive by or are on the other side of the street and wave that I just won't see them. But time after time I still have people say "I saw you yesterday downtown and waved and you ignored me." Sometimes I give the impression that I am not very friendly or maybe snobby. This just isn't true. I am very friendly and love to meet people it's just that I don't always see them.

Basically I can see everything that most people can but just not with the same amount of detail. I hope this gives you a pretty good description of my visual impairment.

My parents sent me to a regular public school even though it was very difficult for me I am thankful that they did it because it really taught me how to be strong and stand up for myself.

When we lived in Saskatchewan elementary school was fun I had many friends who were very helpful. When we moved to B.C. we lived in the small coal-mining community of Sparwood which I didn't find to be very friendly. Elementary school wasn't too bad but high school was very difficult. The classes themselves weren't the problem the trouble was with the relationship that I had with other students. I realize that it is normal for kids to pick on each other but I know that some of my classmates were unusually cruel to me. There were times when groups of kids would get together and stand on each side of the hallway and call me names as I walked by. Cross eyed freak, blind freak, dog etc. I know that this doesn’t sound like a big deal but when you go through this day after day it becomes very distracting and emotionally draining. My blind eye was always turned inward so I was cross eyed. I tell you I might as well have been green with a hump on my back. The name calling and harassment got so bad that I finally went for cosmetic surgery. Now my eye is for the most part straight, of course it doesn’t see anything so it appears to be a bit lazy. I was happy that I did make a few good friends in school because they would walk down the hall with me. It made it a bit easier to deal with all of the name calling. After the surgery the other students didn’t pick on me about my eye anymore but I was still a target and they just found other things to pick on me about. I had a few excellent teachers but I think many of the teachers just didn't know how to deal with someone who had a disability. I also think that some of them just couldn’t be bothered, their loss. I needed to use a monocular to read the blackboard and magnifying glass to read my books. When ever I tried to read the black board kids would stand in my field of vision. When I would read with my magnifying glass they would shove my face in my book. This is so unfortunate because I know with the use of these basic visual aids that I could have completed my education with very little difficulty. I ended up getting in to several fights and skipped out a great deal. There wasn't much that my parents could really do for me they can’t be there day after day to protect me. At one point my mom told the school that she would be willing to come in and sit in the back of the class room and take notes for me. The school absolutely refused. I guess they didn’t want to look bad? I ended up in the principal's office many times. It actually became a bit of a joke in the office. They always assumed that I was the instigator and that I had a bad attitude. I have to admit that at times I did have a bad attitude because I was getting picked on so badly that it was interfering with my ability to do my work and I was getting so frustrated and I just didn’t know who I should turn to for help or how to deal with the stress. I was told that I wouldn’t amount to anything and when I was in the REAL world I would find out how good I had it in school. Boy were they WRONG!!!

One year I ended up in a class designed for troubled kids, runaways, drug problems, child abuse, learning disabilities, etc. The two people who taught us, Fran and John, were awesome. Aside from our regular education we also participated in many enjoyable activities such as camping. (Which I love to do) We also had various people from the community come in and discuss their jobs with us, which was very interesting. The trailer class was an excellent program but I still had to take classes in the regular school and being from the "Trailer Class" segregated me even more. But you know I found out later that going to a school for the blind would have been much worse. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against schools that are designed for the blind. I just don’t feel that it would have been right for me. I feel that if I want to learn how to manage on my own in a world that was designed for people who had regular eye sight that I would need to surround myself with people who had regular eye sight. I always tell people that I am in this weird gray area where I can see too well to be blind but I am too blind to see well. When my parents found out that I was visually impaired their doctor told them that they had to be strong and not baby me. He said that if you can send her to a regular school do it because it will teach her to function in a world that is designed for people with regular eye sight. Thank you mom and dad for taking your doctors advice and thank you to our doctor for giving my parents such good advice!

I ended up not graduating, I just couldn't take the stress and for the most part I wasn’t getting any sort of support from the school. I have met many people who didn't graduate who have been very successful with their lives and careers but for those of you still attending school I do recommend graduating. Trust me it will make things much easier for you. For quite some time I went through my life with no confidence in myself what so ever. I ended up on welfare and I thought that I was a useless nothing and because of this I made some mistakes and poor judgment. I even questioned why I was alive. To this day I do not regret my actions because as difficult as it was every day life was much easier for me to deal with then the crap that I had to deal with in high school. It isn’t always this way. I know other people who have visual impairments who went to regular public school and didn’t have so many problems. I think that Sparwood was just a bad place to grow up.

At one point my parents took me to Victoria for some tests to determine what type of skills I had. They thought that this would be a positive way to show me what sort of employment would be appropriate for me. That whole experience was a total nightmare! The tests consisted of reading, writing, math (the usual things) hand eye coordination, etc. etc. etc. I wasn’t fond of the woman who conducted the tests. I felt that for the most part she was very condescending and treated me like I had some sort of learning disability, which I most certainly don’t have. Later on I received my assessment results from her which was very heartbreaking as well as inaccurate. Basically she told me that I had a learning disability and that the most appropriate employment for me would be flower arranging. Not only was this an insult to me but it was also an insult to all the people out there who are florists. My self esteem was already so low and I was devastated that she wrote this. Needless to say my parents were furious and we filed a formal complaint. Personally I hope that woman was never allowed to test anyone else ever again! What was supposed to be a positive experience for me turned out to be a major emotional set back but my parents were very supportive and I took more tests that proved that I had no learning disability. Now, I don’t ever intend to take another test to determine my abilities ever again, I will discover that myself!

I have found that in many cases people assume that bad eyesight and learning disabilities go hand and hand. This is absolutely untrue, people who are blind or visually impaired can learn the same things as people who have regular eyesight can. The only difference is that they may have to find an alternative route to achieve the same result. As time went by I regained a bit of confidence. When I was twenty I worked as a waitress at a night club on the weekends and went to community college and got my G.E.D. on the week days.

Well folks don't think that my teen years were all doom and gloom. I did have some great times. Going to rock concerts, parties dating, hanging out with friends, sometimes getting into the usual teenager trouble and doing all the usual stuff that teenagers do. As I mentioned I had a few good friends in school. Of course, my closest friend was and still is Tracey (thank you for being there for me T.) I also had many friends outside of school and that is where I had most of my fun!!!

While in school I discovered that I loved to run. (I still love to run today) I was very fast. I also discovered that I enjoyed floor gymnastics. Most important I loved to draw and discovered that I was very good at art in fact, one year I won the junior art award. I must have realized at a young age that I would end up being self employed because to make money I would baby sit and make feather earrings and other beaded accessories.

As far back as I can remember I have always loved to draw for me it is second nature. There are times when I take my artistic abilities for granted. I have to remember not to do this I believe that it is a true gift from the creator. When I draw I feel very empowered it is something that I have complete control of and it makes me feel so good when others enjoy my work. My work is an extension of who I am. So, when people like my work that means that they like a very important part of me!

I never do preliminary sketches before I start a drawing. I just have a concept or theme in mind and put my pencil to the paper and begin! From morning to night I am a perpetual motion machine. Just ask my husband, my constant fidgeting almost drive's him up the wall. However, when I draw I can sit very still for hours. The ornate detail requires so much concentration that it actually becomes a form of meditation.

When people see the detail of my art work many of them don’t believe that I have a visual impairment. Quite often my parents or my husband get asked are you sure that Margaux is really that blind? So what I have started doing is drawing in front of people at the gallery where I show my work or at art shows etc. Everyone is very fascinated and can see for themselves that, yes indeed I most certainly do have a visual impairment! It is also good therapy for me as well because as I mentioned earlier I am embarrassed to use my visual aids in public. I am sure that I will get over it some day.

For most of my pencil work I use a 0.3 mm mechanical pencil. In order to create the detail I have to draw through a very strong magnifying glass. It consists of two 5x lenses that are one inch in diameter. Depending on the amount of detail that I want I use a single lens or double them up to make 10x. So as I draw I see only a one-inch diameter portion of my work at a time. From time to time I sit back and make sure that the drawing is balanced. I never really know exactly how each piece will turn out when it is finished, so the out come is a bit of a surprise to me. For the most part I am usually happy with the end result but I have thrown away many drawings that I wasn't happy with.

Recently I have started experimenting with acrylic paint. I discovered (by accident) a method of painting that I call "Mosaic Art". I get the mosaic effect by using an embossing tool to cover the entire canvas with small dots of paint to create the picture. It takes me many hours to finish a painting but I love the effect. For this I have to use my magnifying glass as well.

People ask me if my eyes get tired. Yes, they do but no more then you would expect. I have to stoop over when I draw and get only a few inches away from my paper. This means that there is a great deal of tension in my neck, shoulders and back. I have chronic backaches. This is why it is important for me to work out. This coupled with an occasional visit to my chiropractor and masseuse helps ease the stress on my back and neck. My art is a labor of love so it is worth the small discomforts and inconveniences that I have to go through!

This year (2004) my husband David got me a pen and tablet and Photo Shop for my birthday. This opens a whole new door way for me. I know that I will have fun experimenting with a whole new medium. The pen is so much easier to use then a mouse. In this program I have the ability to use it as a paintbrush, airbrush or pencil. When I design my website I never use generic graphics that you can get off the internet. Some of them are very beautiful but if you look at enough websites you start to see the same graphics over and over. Incorporating my regular artwork with my Photo Shop art work will be a great way to learn how to use my program as well as design some unique graphics for my website. I would also like to create, non-virtual, greeting cards that feature my Photo Shop artwork! I have a 21 inch monitor so it is easy for me to see what I am working on. Thank you David for giving me such a wonderful gift!

Visual Impairment 2
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